As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
