Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
