At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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