I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
