We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
