just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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