My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
