Christians are straight up FREAKS
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
