So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
