So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
