she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
