so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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