In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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