I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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