We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
