I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
