I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
