Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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