I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
