Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
