Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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