one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
