I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
