There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
