I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
