I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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