Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
