Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
