I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
