google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
