My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
