i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
