I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
