I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
