I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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