For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
