Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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