I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
