He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
