i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
