I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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