last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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