Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
