Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
