He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
