broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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