walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
