Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
