i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
