perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
