so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
