Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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