Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
