i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
